As a Caucasian woman, I have had the incredible privilege of being enfolded as part of a loyal, focused Asian family for the last 18 years. I feel enormous gratitude for these years as the good daughter-in-law and wife and mother. As I expand to embrace my 40th year and my widowhood with three young children, I can see myself in a new light.
For the last 18 years, M's family has been my family. In my own biological family, my only brother has chosen not to be in our lives, my parents live a quiet life a couple hours away, I've gotten to know my grandmother in the last several years, and my other relatives live far away. Wanting more family in my life, I naturally leaned into the comfort and security of M's family. In our world, each family unit has its own culture. I was lovingly embraced within M's family culture. They became my family. They are now mourning the loss of our beloved M. It would be comforting for others to see me grieving for years as the single mother of three young children. That was the plan... if one could plan. As I grieved the loss of my beloved M, I stepped more fully into my power and independence and possibilities. I embraced play and laughter, encouraged by our children and dreams. We stepped playfully into the next phase of our lives.
As I step more fully into my own strengths and knowingness, I feel the pull between family cultures. I feel the pull to continue to follow my in-laws' advice. There is also a pull to calculatingly trust others outside the family. This is a delicate transition for our family, as I hold the love of M with me always and also make space to fall in love with someone new. In shifting my perspective, I choose to see this change as a way to lovingly hold onto my in-laws while also making space to welcome another family into our lives. It is an awesome privilege to get to navigate this journey as we embrace our growing human family.
For the last 18 years, M's family has been my family. In my own biological family, my only brother has chosen not to be in our lives, my parents live a quiet life a couple hours away, I've gotten to know my grandmother in the last several years, and my other relatives live far away. Wanting more family in my life, I naturally leaned into the comfort and security of M's family. In our world, each family unit has its own culture. I was lovingly embraced within M's family culture. They became my family. They are now mourning the loss of our beloved M. It would be comforting for others to see me grieving for years as the single mother of three young children. That was the plan... if one could plan. As I grieved the loss of my beloved M, I stepped more fully into my power and independence and possibilities. I embraced play and laughter, encouraged by our children and dreams. We stepped playfully into the next phase of our lives.
As I step more fully into my own strengths and knowingness, I feel the pull between family cultures. I feel the pull to continue to follow my in-laws' advice. There is also a pull to calculatingly trust others outside the family. This is a delicate transition for our family, as I hold the love of M with me always and also make space to fall in love with someone new. In shifting my perspective, I choose to see this change as a way to lovingly hold onto my in-laws while also making space to welcome another family into our lives. It is an awesome privilege to get to navigate this journey as we embrace our growing human family.
No comments:
Post a Comment