I asked my mother if she'd like me to do a prayerful meditation on her behalf. She said she'd love for me to look into how she may help my father treat her more as his chosen one, to look into her eyes in a way that says she is his most beloved. He shares this look with other women, though not with her. It is so easy for us to forget the sacredness of being our partner's chosen one, and instead feel like cohabitating roommates. The daily details distract us from connecting with one another. How sad.
This conversation with my mother strikes a chord for me, as I've been going through similar feelings in my marriage. I waited for my partner to leave the room before admitting to my mother that my partner and I have attended our first marriage counseling session this week. I had recently remembered my desire to be cherished and appreciated, seen and heard, by my partner. And I have not felt that way for a long time. I told myself often that "what is good for me is good for my family. Taking care of myself is taking care of my family. Happy wife make for a happy life." I had asked my partner to read Men Are From Mars with me, though he made it half a chapter in and called it quits due to gross stereotypes. I didn't have the tools to make this relationship healthier on my own. The realization that my desires and reality were so far apart led to counseling.
In the counseling session, I saw that my partner and I love each other very much, though we have our emotional attachments, patterns, and defenses. Our counselor helped us to see that when we discuss money, what really matters are the emotions below the talk. As an adult from an abusive childhood home, I have extra defenses such as shutting down and putting up walls when something doesn't feel safe or loving. I shut down a lot. My partner has now spent the last week responding to my verbalized feelings with "I can see why you may think that, yet..." And then he laughs and I loosen up a little. This one counseling session has been one baby steps on our journey to restore an open love between us. And this meditation for my mother is a small step for her marriage as well.
*Author note: This post was written several years ago in reference to my now late partner M.
This conversation with my mother strikes a chord for me, as I've been going through similar feelings in my marriage. I waited for my partner to leave the room before admitting to my mother that my partner and I have attended our first marriage counseling session this week. I had recently remembered my desire to be cherished and appreciated, seen and heard, by my partner. And I have not felt that way for a long time. I told myself often that "what is good for me is good for my family. Taking care of myself is taking care of my family. Happy wife make for a happy life." I had asked my partner to read Men Are From Mars with me, though he made it half a chapter in and called it quits due to gross stereotypes. I didn't have the tools to make this relationship healthier on my own. The realization that my desires and reality were so far apart led to counseling.
In the counseling session, I saw that my partner and I love each other very much, though we have our emotional attachments, patterns, and defenses. Our counselor helped us to see that when we discuss money, what really matters are the emotions below the talk. As an adult from an abusive childhood home, I have extra defenses such as shutting down and putting up walls when something doesn't feel safe or loving. I shut down a lot. My partner has now spent the last week responding to my verbalized feelings with "I can see why you may think that, yet..." And then he laughs and I loosen up a little. This one counseling session has been one baby steps on our journey to restore an open love between us. And this meditation for my mother is a small step for her marriage as well.
*Author note: This post was written several years ago in reference to my now late partner M.
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