Finding Comfort

Each year I get to spend an evening with the same lovely ladies.  My long-time friend invited me to join her book club a decade ago, a group formed with her mother and many high school friends.  What a gift.  Each December, we gather with our homemade hot chocolate, buckets of popcorn, and cucumber sandwiches to catch up on each others' lives and watch a movie.  It is such a blessing to feel safe in a warm group of friends, to be vulnerable and honest about how hard it is to gracefully raise my beautiful children with high standards (for my children and myself) and miss my partner so very deeply.

This year we got to see Elf (with Will Ferrell).  The holidays are different once we lose people close to us.  Watching the movie was wonderful, though I found myself reflecting on watching it with my partner, laughing together at home in front of the screen, how he won't be able to watch this movie again, how I won't get to hold his hand and look into the face of my beloved again.  In a bitter sweet moment, I was surprised to feel gratitude for trusting I will get to be with my partner in some way again when I die, a very long time for now.  I find comfort in a variety of ways.  I am thankful for the traditions of gathering with my beloved friends each year, feeling so loved and held and embraced.  I am thankful for liquid chocolate and the comfort of routines.  I am thankful for the coming together of friends.  I am thankful for the opening of hearts and the holding of hands.  Such blessed lives we lead.