Balancing Female Male Energies

In my life I have generally shied away from men and taken refuge in the company of women.  I've surrounded myself with female friends, authors, musicians, actresses, and children.  I love physical contact with adults.  My friends and I talk about building a Hug Revolution.  My friends have filled my need for physical contact.  My partner was my male counter balance.  Now that he is no longer here to cuddle, the dynamics of being with men have changed.  At this stage in my grief I am definitely not ready for romance.  My children are the focus and loves of my life.  I want simple and I want play.

In finding my own balance and bringing safe male energies into our lives, I am finding ways to meet my needs for more male contact in a variety of ways.  I am embracing the music of male musicians and the books of male authors, spending time with families with loving and interactive dads, and putting my arm through a platonic male friend's arm while watching our children climb muddy mountains together.

It has always been my role to wrestle with my children.  We find inspiration in the book The Art of Roughhousing.  Now I get to encourage my children in sports and getting outside more often.  I find my athletic skills to be so very entertaining that I get more exercise by laughing than I do with my attempts to block shots and find the basketball hoop.  Thankfully we are spending time with male friends and relatives who tend to provide a more experienced example of athletic skill.  It takes a community to raise a child and I am so grateful for the many ways we connect with healthy men in our lives.  I am thankful for knowing our needs and for finding safe, comfortable ways to meet those needs.  What a gift!  What a life!

Dreaming Bigger

It is so strange to find yourself in a place where it is radical to dream of a bigger life.  A year ago I was enjoying a beautiful life with my life partner and our three happy children.  One year ago we spent several nights at the Oregon coast, ducking into a coffee shop to avoid the wettest part of a downpour, flying kites, laughing, digging holes, drinking coffee, taking lots of photos of blue skies and happy faces.

This year, without my children's "Papa" (daddy) we four returned to the coast for a few nights.  We dug holes, laughed, rested, and avoided rain showers, but it was... different.  We miss our sweet Papa very much.  We would give most of what we have to go back to the day before diagnosis.  But we can't.  We have watched him die and know we cannot ask for him to come back to us in the same way.  We know we get to continue living and falling in love with these new lives we get to live together.  This is a privilege we do not take for granted.

This year we put our own twist on our beach vacation.  The kids helped pack and unpack much more than usual.  They were responsible for their own clothing and I didn't check to make sure they remembered everything.  While our big kids brought everything for themselves, I forgot to pack our wee one's shoes and my own underwear (found in the suitcase upon unpacking at home).  Fun times.  We brought real shovels, short metal versions of the standard kind.  We dug holes big enough to put whole adults into.  We buried one adult in one such wet hole.  We spent a whole day with my parents, two dogs, and two whole days with friends.  We invited friends to spend the night with us at the hotel.  We purchased little toys and trinkets and wall decor to support local shops and artists.  We stayed as long as we pleased on our last day and didn't mind the heavy traffic on the way home.  We revel in the sand still tucked into our pockets.

We are talking of global travel.  My oldest daughter said she wanted to travel to every continent in one year.  She thankfully modified that to be accomplished in one decade.  In dreaming of worldschooling, we've been partaking in the book Lonely Planet's Where To Go When.  So many ideas, so many dreams!  We may start with Thailand.  While we await international travel, we have many trips planned within our own country, to visit family both local and distant.  In dreaming of getting on an airplane and surrounding ourselves in different cultures, cuisines, and time zones, our planning has become our play.  We are contacting friends in other countries and sharing our traveling dreams with them: Canada, Uruguay, Paraguay, Turkmenistan, Australia, France, Taiwan, Korea.  It may take a decade, perhaps more, but we are currently thrilled with the dream of seeing the whole world, connecting with our global family, and simultaneously deepening our existing relationships (with self and other).  The world is awaiting our exploration and laughter and little toes, and it is such a gift to get to dream of flying out to embrace it all.  As I often like to shout from my porch, "Look out, World!  We are coming to getcha!"

Life with Papa

The Optimist's Guide to Divorce

I love my library, even when late fees get steep.  Fees are part of the deal for my family at the library, especially now that I am the only adult responsible for getting things back on time.  In the two months since M died, I have damaged one book and lost two others.  Our books may be falling apart, but we humans are generally keeping ourselves together. 

In our library's new book section, I found a simple drawing of a woman riding a bicycle in the wind.  It reminded me of Under the Tuscan Sun, a book and movie and adventure I love.  This carefree bicyclist was gliding across The Optimist's Guide to Divorce: How to get through your breakup and create a new life you love.  Six months ago, I would not have considered this title.  I have just gone through a death instead of a divorce, but if you skip a bit here and there, this book completely applies to my situation.  I am trying to get through my broken heartedness to create the new life I love... with my healthy, whole children.  I get a little thrill reading about recovering from divorce... as if to pretend it is what I've just been through, as if there is a small chance our M could walk back into our lives and kiss his children.  Divorce is preferable in some ways to the path our family has traversed.

Reading this book each day for the last two weeks while I wrestle my exhausted-yet-sleepless toddler, I have enjoyed the camaraderie of listening in on other women's stories of how they dealt with heartbreak, how they processed, connected with others, planned, and made the most of loving their new lives.  These women found themselves to be stronger in a myriad of ways than they had previously known.  My children and I are bringing some of their ideas into our own lives.  We have created a meal plan (Soup Sundays and Taco Tuesdays!), a budget, and my children are now responsible for all their own breakfasts and lunches.  (Why do you think Cheetos count as lunch?!)  I make larger dinners that double as leftovers.  My daughter makes toast and fried eggs for our family each morning and then tackles some dishes and laundry. 

There are stories detailing how to accept what has happened, seek therapy, create a home you love, bring in extra income, budget for what is most important, and so much more.   

I am currently right in the middle of the book at Twenty Things that Will Make You Feel Good.  This list reminds me of how I used to care for myself and how I will again.

1. Take a bath with Epsom salts.
2. Get your hands in playdough.
3. Do a good deed for someone else.
4. Sit on a chair and watch the stars.
5. Plant something.
6. Read a fun novel.
7. Ride your bike in a park: Findyourpark.com.
8. Take a brewery or winery tour with an upbeat friend.
9. Cuddle up with dryer-warmed towels.
10. Visit a fair or theme park and ride the rides.
11. Focus on gratitude.
12. Sign up for lessons.
13. Declare a fashion goal, such as Wild Print Wednesday or avoiding black.
14. Roll car windows down and put out your hand.
15. Schedule a massage.
16. Write a love letter to an old friend.
17. Wiggle toes in the sand.
18. Hang chimes outside your door.
19. Paint.
20. Create something and get lost in the project.

Our family has been through something awful.  While we would give almost anything to go back to the lives we shared before diagnosis day, there are many silver linings to find on this leg of our journey.  At least that is what I tell myself to get through the density of the situation.  For every positive aspect we find now because of M's death, there are a trillion negatives.  I intend to feel okay about where we are and how we got here, so I focus upon our silver linings.  Here are some.

My children are learning to work hard and take pride in the work they do for our family.  We are expressing our emotions through more yelling and crying, and holding each other as we talk through it all.  Regular game nights and book clubs with friends and family are awesome.  Decluttering without as much negotiation is nice.  I purchase and dole out fewer sugary foods.  We spend less on hot water, heat, and groceries.  I am planning for new light fixtures, wall colors, and simple (summer yard sale) décor.  We don't need to move into a bigger "dream home".  I get to sort through and pass on my parents-in-law's possessions.  We can see our family together again in family videos.  I am finally reading adult books again.  Good books.  I get to smile when sharing this title with a friend.  I get to make the time to talk about it all here with you.  Silver linings.  For these I am thankful.

The Rest of Us

Six and a half years ago, I somehow found the book The Rest of Us by Jacquelyn Mitchard.  Jacquelyn writes fiction of which I am not yet a fan, yet I connected deeply with her book of autobiographical essays.  When I opened this book, my husband had just learned of a large tumor in his chest, a few months before our second child was born.  Jacquelyn came to mothering through adopting and birthing, supported her husband as he died of cancer, and then adopted more children.  Within her writing, I see her as a strong, protective, determined, down-to-earth Midwestern mother who acknowledges her imperfections (and ours) with both lightness and gravity that accompany parenting.  She loves her children and does what she can to guide and protect them, as we all do.  She talks of how some women have it all together, arrive on time for their appointments, have perfectly mannered and tended children, and then there are The Rest of Us.  I loved this book many years ago.  I remembered the stories as if they were my own.  Now I get to connect with the stories in a while new way, as my own young husband has died of cancer and left me a widow.  I am so thankful for literature that connects me to myself, to help me feel supported and validated and light when much in my life feels otherwise.  I am grateful to know my children and I will get through this dense time with grace and love.  I am grateful for this love of books and this love of life.

Inspirational Magazine Quotes

I was privileged to find some awesome quotes in some random magazine about a year ago.  These continue to come to me, help me to step boldly into who I am and where I am, to restfully settle into my moments, into my journey, and to smile.  May you also take comfort in these words.  Blessings!

The Blue Zones

My friend Audrey invited me on a hike a couple weeks ago.  As we walked and talked for hours about everything under the sun, she recommended The Blue Zones, a book of "lessons for living longer from the people who've lived the longest."  I had been quite perplexed by my recent disinterest in reading, until this book.  Apparently positive, comforting, non-fiction books are what is on tap for me in my current gestating phase (seven weeks until our third babe arrives).  This book was just what my inner-doctor ordered.  Through this book, I was able to travel the world to areas where people live in awesome numbers to be healthy and happy past 100 years of age.  The narrative of the unfolding human stories and research kept me coming back for more.  After reading this book, I am able to explain some important ways in which to help yourself stay healthy longer.

My Summary of Lessons:

• Vegetables, local and fresh
• Consume less in general, more nuts and beans and whole grains, fewer meats  
• Exercise, mild and daily
• Rest, sitting back to appreciate the gifts of life all around us 
• Live with or near family  
• Weekly or daily social time with friends
• Be likable and sociable
• Take comfort in faith
• Wake up with a purpose, such as tending to the garden, grandchildren, the community, or a herd of sheep

The Blue Zones' Nine Lessons:

• Move Naturally: Be active without having to think about it
• Hara Hachi Bu: Painlessly cut calories by 20 percent
• Plant Slant: Avoid meat and processed foods
• Grapes of Life: Drink red wine (in moderation)
• Purpose Now: Take time to see the big picture
• Down Shift: Take time to relieve stress
• Belong: Participate in a spiritual community
• Loved Ones First: Make family a priority
• Right Tribe: Be surrounded by those who share Blue Zone values

At the end of each chapter is a highlighted summary of research findings.  The last chapter sums everything up neatly, even providing a link to take our own longevity quiz, complete with suggestions for increasing the quality and quantity of our lives.  The Blue Zones met my needs for a comforting novel and informative research paper.  And it provided me with a gateway back into my love of reading.  What a gift.

Sharing the book with a friend

The Burning of Bridget Cleary, Part 2

I began to read The Burning of Bridget Cleary as a way to connect with ancient fairy stories.  (Part 1 is here.)  Fairies were important to my grandmother and the women who came before her.  This is unlike any other book I've read and far from my usual choice, though I followed my curiosity into this book to learn more of how fairies fit into our world through old tales.

After completing this book, detailing the circumstances surrounding a young woman's death in 1895, I have a new perspective on that time of cultural transition.  I appreciate having insight into Ireland's political changes to contrast what I know of my own country's challenges at that time (Laura Ingalls Wilder's stories and the mass settlements of white homesteaders in Indian land around 1889).  It was indeed a time heavy in shifting powers and domination.

Bridget Cleary was a young woman caught between old oral, fairy-centered tradition and the incoming Catholic structure.  She was trained in a valued profession, made her own money, had saved more money than most of her neighbors made in a year, and was childless in her marriage.  She was self-supporting, independent, and friends with a wide variety of people in her community.  She did not conform to the cultural expectations of her time and of those around her.

"She had accumulated power, both economic and sexual, it seems, far in excess of what was due to a woman of her age and class, and when the balance tipped, all the anger flowered toward her" (page 155).

At this particular time in history, people were said to have "gone with the fairies" when they were ill or different.  One way to bring people back from mental or physical illness was to threaten to or to actually burn them with hot shovels.  Aside from Bridget, all victims who died from this practice were children.

When Bridget fell ill with bronchitis, her husband exhausted himself in caring for her by not sleeping for over a week.  He was under high pressure from those around him to get her to conform to the standard role of women, to bring her back from the fairies and into health again.  When she refused to break under his violence, he killed her, unhindered by the numerous family members in attendance.

They "were exerting their communal power against a woman whose behavior they found unacceptable.  Modern though they might have been in some aspects of their lives, Jacke Dunne and the Kennedys, men and women, were here reasserting the authority of an older way of life.  As they did so, there were also driving a wedge between husband and wife by demanding that Michael Cleary ally himself with the ideology of stigma and control, which fairy legend represented, against his wife" (page 154).

This is a sad and violent tale, though the author's detailed research and well-rounded perspectives provide a way to see this era in a new way.  It is curious to see the same story line and struggle for control with differing details in our own lives and times, such as how people repress and oppress certain groups.  The lessons shared through this story share threads with many throughout history.  I find it very fascinating.

Determined Aspirations

As I juggle my beautiful growing family, I aspire to become a shamanic practitioner.  You know, with a massage table, healing room, paid with money, the works.  I see myself also sharing my various creations for the financial benefit of my family.  As I hold these goals in my heart and move in small steps toward their actualization, I take comfort in knowing I'm following in the footsteps of other determined humans.  We are never alone on our adventures.

Today, looking through my children's three foot tall pile of educational magazines from a kind neighbor, I opened a Smithsonian magazine (February 2013) right up to an article on "Origins"  This article details the journey of writer Seth Fiegerman, who edits the blog Opening Lines.org.  He has "a collection of case studies on the origins of famous careers."  He details how in his own career struggles it was nice to find in various interviews and biographies that successful people all struggled in getting where they wanted to be.  What these successful people had in common were setbacks and failures.  They were determined in their aspirations to continue moving forward.  We have the ability to learn infinite amounts from our failures.  

As I spend these long days and short years with my beautiful children, I take comfort in knowing I will reach my goals.  My goals may change shape and color.  I look back to see I've risen to meet my previous goals.  Each journey has been far more rewarding than I'd imagined possible.  The lessons along the way simply blow my mind, expanding my heart to love this life even more.  Yes, I am doing just dandy in my role as my children's mother.  I use many abilities to keep up with them in their ever-changing ways.  I will soon see the ways I am using my many others skills in my life.  Perhaps as I aspire to reach these professional goals, I will find I've already arrived at where I'd aimed.  I look forward to watching this story unfold.

Finding Jesus at the Library

Raised as a Christian and walking my own path alongside many religions, I love feeling the excitement people have for their spiritual passions.  We all have a choice in whom we choose to follow.  Buddha, Ghandi, Jesus, and others are all wonderful spiritual teachers.

My heart purrs when I hear my friend from Texas drawl "Thank you, Jesus!"  My mother is a great follower of Jesus, centering much of her faith on his life.  Jesus comforts her in times of need.  I've thought of Jesus as the guy belonging only to those who call themselves Christian.  However, my perspective and awareness of him have been evolving.

Last November a shamanic friend emailed me a distance healing she did for my husband.  Months later I finally found her healing notes and realized the time she'd done the healing corresponded to the end of my husband's talk of physical pain.  Jesus was the one who came through my friend to provide the healing along with specific directions.  Intriguing, yes, though I rejoiced at the physical healing and let it go at that.

Then I read and loved two books in which Jesus was a main focus.  The Essenes: Children of the Light and The Magdalen Manuscript.  As I read these books, I began to feel the light of Jesus near me. This light was present whenever I thought of him.  Now I am able to call him to me at any time and to feel as if I am within his beam of healing love and light.  This feeling is incredibly comforting.

The book I am now reading, Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth, has blown my mind.  In this book, I love seeing a clear difference between the Jesus of Nazareth and Jesus Christ.  The author clarifies the clear line between the two.  I still call Jesus's light to me often, though my mind is wrapping around the differences between these two characters.  It is curious how a mortal morphs into a God within a couple centuries of his death.  And of how the true story changes dramatically to teach lessons and meet the needs of the new teachers.

After a year in a Christian co-op school, I chose not to sign the faith statement and was asked to no longer work with the children and to only participate if I wanted my children to believe exactly as they do.  Our difference lay on their belief that the True Jesus is the only way to salvation, while all other paths lead to burning in hell for eternity.  This experience provides for me another view of Christianity.  It clarifies the view of many faithful servants who willingly appease an angry exclusive God.  I understand this is a small view of Christianity, as the religion encompasses a great variety of views.  Several of my Christian friends are helping me to understand the wide variety within this umbrella of religion.

I love my mother's words that Jesus is what we need him to be.  I cherish having a personal relationship with Jesus the Christ in a way that feels safe and comforting for me.  Through these books and my personal experiences with Jesus, I love slowly unfolding the story of a man's life and how he became a healer, a holy man, the son of God.  And now he stands by my side with his beam of incredible healing light and delight, teaching me how to open my heart in new ways.  Thank you, Jesus!

Homemade Bread In A Bag

Last week we crafted bread with fantastic friends.  As a visual learner, I love seeing someone else craft something before recreating it.  Here is the simple bread recipe we followed with friends.

Bread In A Bag

1. Add ingredients into a gallon-size bag: One cup wheat flour, half cup warm water, 1 Tablespoon salt, 1 Tablespoon yeast.
2. Zip the top of the bag.
3. Mash it up for three minutes.
4. Sprinkle in some flour till not so sticky.
5. Let rise 30 minutes.
6. Add more flour, any crushed nuts or desired dry flavorings, and mix.
7. Spread on parchment.
8. Roll into a ball.
9. Slice the top.
10. Bake 25 minutes or until lightly browned.

This recipe definitely needs a bit of tinkering, such as on bake times and flour quantities.  We had a great time mixing, baking, and devouring our loaves of bread.  We compared texture, flavor, and coloring.  The results of our science experiment were scrumptious.  The next day we made a batch of this bread and Challah bread with garbanzo and rice flours, resulting in dry dense loaves.  I continue to check out Bob's Red Mill Baking Book from the library, though I have yet to make the time to open it in search of an alternative grain bread.  (I use alternative grains for my family to eat a variety of grains, and I become itchy and tired after eating additives often found in gluten products.)

In the meantime, we've given new life to a friend's old bread machine.  My alternative rice flour sourdough starter and Bob's Red Mill wheat flour together make a scrumptiously sour loaf.  My children choose nuts and fruits to add mid-cycle.  It's great fun to experiment with breads.

What is your favorite bread recipe?

What culinary crafts does your family adore?

Mixing the bread in bags

Letting dough rise outside in the sun

All that was left when I paused in my consumption to snap a photo

heart taking flight

As a young teenager, I learned to whistle blades of grass as Blue Angels flew overhead.  I paid more attention to the grass than the flying machines.  A few years later I walked into an airport for the first time.  I then flew alone all the way to Europe where I spent the best time of my life caring for two young children and bonding with my cousin and his in-laws.

Relationships and culture were explored and devoured that summer in France, thanks to a loving opportunity and the scientific delight of air travel.  The trip simply blew my mind in so many ways, for which I am eternally changed and grateful.  Seeing the world from a new angle, such as from an airplane, had so wonderfully altered my world that I wanted more.  I dreamed of flight. 

I later found myself taking flying lessons at a community college.  My body wanted to stay on the ground, yet my heart simply wanted to soar.  My flight instructor was 18 and loved stunts, so I was both terrified and thrilled to get off the ground each week.

While my heart was far above the earth, I saw a different angle of life back on the ground.  I was the only woman in my flight classes, the only one without any flight experience, and radio controllers NOT ONCE responded to my radio communications.  (If you'd like to learn more about this topic, my book club enjoyed The All-Girl Filling Station... or connect with Female WWII Pilots research.) 

When the wet dark autumn arrived that year, my flight lessons were paused.  Indefinitely.  Life again filled with other awesome adventures.  Opportunities were taken to fly as a passenger here and there.  Once my children arrived, my desire to literally lift off into the sky was put aside.  With my children I now learn to embrace flight in new ways.  I take flight with my feet upon Mother Earth, my arms around my precious children, and my heart soaring high.  Together we whistle with grass, watch clouds, talk with birds, and count our abundant blessings.

Lightening the Soul on Ice

One of my most favorite places is on the ice rink.  As a nanny, I first went ice skating with my two young charges.  My childhood dreams of being a professional roller skater were brought back to life on these thin graceful blades.  I held pudgy two-year-old hands and skated circles for blissful moments (and hours).  When my employer gave me her old skates, just my size, I took ice skating lessons in classes filled with children. I greeted every one of those Saturday morning lessons with such blissful joy.  The feeling of the ice under my blades was simply invigorating.

Life soon became even busier with new challenges, such as learning to fly a plane, full time college and lots of time on the job, meeting my life partner, more college, becoming a professional educator, and marriage.  How joyous to suddenly find myself, amidst all the busy joys, enjoying a quiet week of being snowed in.  There was suddenly space for reading The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and to break out my ice skates.  Atop a foot of snow lay inches of thick ice.  And you know what I did with that ice.  I pulled out my beautiful skates and flew up and down the street, through the field, over anything I pleased.  What an incredible reprieve from my working days.  That was one of my favorite vacations ever.

And now as a mother of two young children, you'll find me silently praying on these cold winter mornings that our yard will become covered with thick ice so I may pull out my skates once again.  May I teach them by example to follow their passions and find joy in these simple pleasures.  May my children see my whole body and soul lighten and brighten as I tie on these skates and take flight.  Again.

My Sacred Place

My mother has always been very passionate about her "happy place" and is eager to tell you in detail how all her senses are activated just by thinking of that sacred space.  This is a skill I am still working to master.  It gets easier to practice, which is why I am writing this now.  A writing prompt from Writing to Save Your Life helped me think more clearly about my personal place of contentment.  There have been several tranquil spaces in my life, yet this was my favorite.  It is an honor and joy to share this personal insight with you.

My Sacred Place

As a child, my mother, my younger brother, and I spent a week camping each summer at Alsea Falls. Sometimes with friends, usually without.  My dad would join us the last couple of days, but not before then.  Sometimes we were rained out and so miserably wet.  Those times were great memories in the making.  Often my brother revealed to us his Boy Scout camping tricks, like rigging a garbage can out of sticks.

My special place is a camp sight on the left of the loop, just 20 feet or so from the cold clear creek.  My brother and I would spend hours splashing and wading and waiting as we tried to lure crawdads from their cozy hiding spots underneath bounders.  We found the most success with hot dogs, a camp necessity.  We filled our bucket with several crawdads, wondered at why they were called craw-dads, watched them for a while, and released them back into the water.  One of our last trips, when I was around age 16, my brother filled the bucket with several "dads" and boiled them for a meal.  I recall being surprised (never being so close to my food source), and then thinking it must make sense or we wouldn't be doing it.  We were meat eaters after all and "dads" are meat, I told myself.

In this sacred place, we two hiked for hours through the old growth forest, climbed high into tall fir trees, swung and jumped from them, sat reading and playing at the bubbling creek for endless hours.  Simply spending time with my brother, who was my best friend and favorite childhood companion.  The air was clear, the sky was blue, a canopy of green was overhead, so many birds and bees, the water alive and constant, comforting, washing away our sorrow, fear, grief, depression, disappointment, pain.  Comforting us, soothing our cells and our souls as we spent those quiet days splashing in the gurgling Alsea Creek.  My happy sacred place.

What is one of your favorite sacred spaces?
When you write about it, how do your senses come alive?
What do you recall that most surprises you?

bonding with Mother Nature and one another

reflecting on my first classroom

I had the immense privilege of being a public elementary teacher before choosing to be with my children full-time.  In my reflecting and writing my way through Writing to Save Your Life, I was thrilled to revisit first memories of my very first classroom.  This moment in time was such a privilege the first time around, and continues to make my heart sing.  Thank you for allowing me to share this reflection with you, Dear Reader.

My First Time In a Special Place

When I walked into my own classroom for the first time, it was such a thrill.  Anticipation, excitement, a blank canvas.  The building was only a few years old, clean, clear, light, large windows, large empty cupboards, endless possibilities.  I could organize it however I desired.  Supplies.  Books.  I bought so many books, games, puzzles.

An air diffuser smelling like calming vanilla, another of lavender, the sound of a waterfall, clear desks and baskets.  A desk fairy!  My own calm castle with my 26 little children.  So much fun, so much stress, time pressure and expectation, attempting to gracefully balance beating hearts with strict academics.

I called parents to compliment their children, heard in their voices relief, love, and smiles.  When the homework bin went missing one Friday, I called that one playful student and he told me exactly where he had hidden it, sharing my relieved laughter.

I loved lesson planning, seeing those beautiful bright faces each morning, shaking their hands, smiling widely, and joyously exclaiming, "Yay, you're here!"  Sometimes we changed up physical contact with fist bumps or high fives.  The same gestures were shared with each child at the end of every day.  I loved them all so much, still do.  As a teacher, my heart was so open it felt like I was responsible for all the world's children.  Intending to move from fear into love, I haven't been able to watch the news or scary movies since.  These children changed me, opened me, healed me.  There was so much letting go and holding on, stretching and settling.  So much love, joy, and adventure.  So many personalities and details getting to know these incredible young people and their families.  What an incredible opportunity.  What incredible love.

What are your memories of your first time in a special place? 
How do you feel reflecting on this space?

simple machines unit

 

Physical Joys

In attempting to live a balanced life, I recently read that we need to use all four components of ourselves: our minds, bodies, emotions, and Spirit.  My main deficiency has been taking care of my body.  While making time for myself to write most nights through the inspirations of Something More, I came upon a writing prompt to write about "what physical activities make me feel joyous."  Think about this for a moment.  What would your list look like?  Imagine it, see it, feel it, sit there and absorb your thoughts on your own physical delights.  Pause.  Feel it.

What physical activities make me feel joyous?

• swimming without holding or monitoring children, laps or handstands
• blowing bubbles
• wrestling or physical stunts with my children
• outdoor walks
• gardening, flowers and veggies and fruits
• headstands, cartwheels
• ice skating
• rock climbing
• tree climbing
• bicycling riding
• airplane flying as pilot or passenger... not aerobic
• roller skating without holding pudgy, scrumptious little hands
• zumba, jazzercise, aerobics, dancing
• jump roping
• hula hooping

I intend to make space for more of these delights in my life.  Yes, we all need more indulgent joys to help us fully appreciate the great gifts of our bodies.  The more we use it, the more we love it.  Our bodies do so many incredible things for us.  Because we have these bodies, we are able to move, see, eat, smell, dance, sing, experience life in so many ways.  Our bodies want to be joyously loved and cherished, just like you and I do.

What is on your list of physical delights?  What steps will you take to make your favorite three physical joys happen in the next month ?  Feel the joy within your own body and pass that contagious delight on to those around you.  Where does it go from there?  Watch and see.  It starts with a simple list and works itself step-by-step into your new reality.  What a thrill!  Who's up for a celebratory dance?

joyously climbing to new heights

Garden Fairies of the Australian Persuasion

Our garden fairies have been quite mischievous this year!  It seems they have planted Queen Anne's lace, moss, various squash, grasses, pansies, tomatoes, and black-eyed susans into our garden beds.  Who am I to remove flowers from the fairy garden?

Every two weeks I cannot see the beds of kale through all the weeds and must again dig them out.  This morning I went out simply to water and spent four hours pulling out dead peas and buckets of weeds.  Under all those weeds, I found kale, cabbage, squash, many pollinating insects, and the sound of myself unexpectedly speaking with an Australian accent.  (The latter must be a side effect of reading Dreamkeepers: A Spirit-Journey into Aboriginal Australia.)  I've picked hundreds of pounds of weeds and still the garden is full of grasses and invasive happy weeds, also known as herbs to some.  With a garden this adventurous, it is tempting to cancel all our other plans and sit back to watch it all grow.  Most of it is edible, so we can stop and declare ourselves ready for a snack (in our Australian accents) whenever we wish.

Raise a Kid Who Loves the Earth

Leafing through my homesteading notebook, I came upon an old article encouraging natural time for your child.  I had saved this article, Raise a Kid Who Loves the Earth, in hopes that I would get my children more actively engaged with Mother Nature.  Since it was read and filed away, this simple list of manageable adventures have become part of our outdoor routines.  When reviewing the list, I found we've done everything suggested, aside from the camping part.

The very night I uncovered the article, we set up tents and slept under the stars (and a bit of rain) for three joyous nights.  How much fun it is to cuddle up and look at the stars at night with my babes.  At one point, at a bit past midnight, I found myself outside attempting to put a cover on the tent as the rain started.  I looked down at my husband who was grinning and chuckling inside the tent and thinking to himself, "Why won't the cover stay up?  I should probably be out there helping her."  The quiet and fresh air helped us to lighten up and enjoy the moment together.

And now we already have two camping trips (out of the yard) scheduled for this summer.  Yes, we are slowly evolving and moving in the right direction.  I am so thankful for my children and I sharing a love for the great outdoors and know they will help me to fall even more in love with Mother Nature as they grow.

Author's List:

• Play in the yard
• Frolic in the rain
• Take a hike
• Visit a nature center
• Plant something
• Climb a tree
• Go camping

Nature on the 'Net (Parents Magazine Resources):

• Get tips for reducing your impact on nature at the Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics, lnt.org.
• Resarch endangered resources at the Nature Conservancy, nature.org.
• Find kid-friendly outings through the Sierra Club, sierraclub.org.
• Play with the educational tools at the National Wildlife Federation's children's site, nwf.org/kids.
• Buy gear for your next adventure at Recreational Equipment Inc., rei.com.

one warm and cozy camper

Two of our favorite things: books and tents