I Have Learned... in my Great Shedding.

I have come to learn so many things since I have last written.  I have learned that not everyone acts with integrity or compassion as I'd prefer they do.  Even those we have held close and loved dearly for decades.  I have learned those we have loved are capable of intentionally hurting me in ways I could not have imagined.  I have learned at some point one must cut off those that hurt us, even if they are family.  I have learned that the loss of my in-laws in my life is much like letting my only brother walk out of my life 16 years ago.  I have learned that it is easier to see the manipulation of others when not under their noses.  I have learned some will despise me regardless of my making the healthiest choices for my children and myself.  I have learned the health of my children and myself take priority over all else, especially as a single mother.  I have learned there is great strength in walking a path less traveled, in stepping forward to focus upon what I know is best for us.  I have learned the only difficult situation is one that includes blame.  I have learned I can be blamed for virtually anything when others want to find fault and scapegoat me for their loss of my partner (their brother/cousin/friend).  I have learned others have great expectations for how a widow grieves.  I have learned I will survive when others are disappointed in me, when I don't live up to others' expectations.  I have learned I will grow stronger in adversity.  I have learned I am strong enough, loving enough, smart enough, that I am enough.  I have learned to feel even more gratitude for this life I get to live, for these children I get to nurture, for these difficult choices I get to make, for these friends who are our family, for the love within my own happy heart, for the love that grows between my children and I with each day. 

my mindful shedding