Family Support

My needs in my marriage are small, or so they seem to me.  Each day I'd like from my partner eye contact, a hello after a long day apart, a couple hugs, a two-way five minute conversation without technology, and to be asked about my day.  It is incredible how difficult this is to accomplish some days, some weeks.  With the distraction of tasks, schedules, and technology, it can be a challenge to connect with one another.

Without these details in my marriage, with limited contact with other adults as a full-time parent of young children, I begin to feel alone, isolated, and sad.  I create ways to maintain my energy for patient, graceful homeschooling days, though connection with adults is what sustains me.  As an extra boost, to have a dinner date with my partner while my children laugh with a beloved nanny is a gift for us all.  I give the greatest of thanks for knowing what keeps me on my loving path with my family and as together we take steps to stay creatively connected.

Sisters

Sisters.  What a gift.  My only biological sibling has chosen to be apart from my family for the last 14 years.  My life is full of sisters-in-law, cousins-in-law, friends who are like sisters to my hungry heart.  Learned from my mother, I've had a lifelong yearning for dear friends who choose to love me and all my details.  While balancing the needs of my children, I also choose to make time for time with my loving soul sisters.  I treasure the nourishing connections I share with these women.  What a blessing to have them in my life and in my children's lives.  To deeply know their love and support helps me to find my own light more easily in my darker moments.  I give great thanks for my sisters each day of this blessed life.

Silence

Lately, I have grown uncomfortable with my own silence.  Silence can be a useful tool when listening to others, when finding quiet space alone to listen to ourselves.  Silence can be a part of self-care, comforting and nourishing.  Silence makes things appear healthy and calm from the outside, though on the inside a new story may take form.  When used too often, the quality of silence may begin to shift and deplete and distance ourselves from others.  After a long silence, we may even begin to lose sight of ourselves.  In my vocal family, I step into my listening role so deeply that I forget to listen to myself.  As a child, silence protected me somewhat from my father's anger.  I was a survival expert when it came to invisibility and silence.  These useful childhood skills no longer benefit me, so now is the time to recognize them, thank them, and let them go.

In their place, I choose to take the risks in connecting with others, sharing the ways in which I am learning and growing, following my path.  It is not easy to talk about my personal pains, though talking with a trusted loved one is a way for me to set those lower emotions free.  This fresh freedom makes space for the infinite possibilities that lay in wait.

So with this new lightness of breath, I slowly begin to vocalize what has been building up within my heart.  I share with several beloved ones, so as not to overwhelm any individual with weight I've grown to carry.  In the simple acts of talking about my thoughts with others, I hear the whisper of a song returning to my heart.  I know "this too shall pass" and a new day is dawning.  And I give the greatest of thanks for this renewed connection with myself as I sing my way back into the lightness of our beautiful world.

Within my Heart

Within my heart lay many things unspoken.  In my attempt to homeschool my two children, to be with them almost every hour of every day to remain calm and patient, I intentionally focus upon the positives in my life.

There are so many blessings in my life.  I live a life of luxury in a beautiful home with a beautiful car, a hard working husband, two healthy happy children, and the resources to educate them outside of public school.  When I'm with trusted friends or a trusted journal, I am then safe to open up about was has been quiet within myself.

There are some things of which I do not speak easily.  Sitting with five dear friends tonight for our book club, I mentioned trying to avoid a particular friendship.  Within this other relationship, I see the love we share, though I deeply know the distance and pain between us.  Thinking of time with this friend leaves me anxious and physically ill.  I wonder aloud of the ways I may shift this relationship so it feels safe and nourishing.

Friendship is such a beautiful gift.  Why would I want to end a long friendship?  At this time in my life, as I transition from taking two monthly classes within my loving community to zero, as my dear friend talks of moving out of the country, as we move into an altogether new homeschool circle, as we have new neighbors all around us, I search for heartfelt friends with whom to connect.  Making new friends is often difficult, especially as adults with multiple children and few social circles.

I held many white elephants in our book club conversation.  I am not quite ready to discuss the health and size of my family, the distance grown between us, nor my daily loneliness.  So much was left untouched.  Regardless, it was so nice to be among a group of trusted friends to share some of what I've been holding to myself.  Now as I sit here writing, I feel the words release their hold on my heart.

Before long, I will again have a dinner date with my husband, rekindling the connections we share.  And I will be able to share with loved ones those things left unspoken for so long.  From there, we will all feel an influx of relief and joy.  Sharing our hearts with others is a beautiful gift we give ourselves.  I look forward to unwrapping this gift with others.

"Motherhood is my art."

I am an artist, a creator, a writer, a dreamer, a seeker, a lover, a student, a teacher, and so much more. We all embody so many facets simultaneously.  Right now, I am mostly a mom.  Within me there is a need to create, to explore, to travel, to produce functional crafts, to heal the world, to start a professional practice, to earn an income, to meditate alone, and to sit in an isolated cabin for a week.

Knowing my own desire to grow and also my desire to provide for my children, I spin my view on motherhood to see it from a new angle.  I see my role as being here to love my children, to teach them how to follow their own paths while being a part of our family and culture.

Motherhood is indeed an art.  Being present with my children is my art.  Practicing this art form is a way for me to care for myself and my children.  With four simple words, I find more balance in my world.  "Motherhood is my art."  For this moment, that is enough.

Happy Music

Goodness me, oh my.  We are having such a dance party around here since we created our own mixed Happy CDs.  My children and I spent a few joyous days compiling our favorite FEEL GOOD music.  Our CDs include the Frozen Soundtrack, music by Jason Mraz, Happy by Pharrell Williams, Exactly by Amy Steinberg, It's a Beautiful World I See by Tim Myers, Silver Bells by Bing Crosby, Going to the Chapel by Dixie Cups, and more.

Now we listen to them endlessly in the car.  Car trips used to be stressful and worthy of lots of (my) teeth-grinding.  Now I am excited to get into my car for a mandatory trip.  Pop in the music and we come alive!  We dance, sing, smile, and laugh.  It's incredible how simple it is to change one rough spot in our routine into an enlivening one.  We've been excitedly sharing these CDs with beloved ones.  Our next Happy CD will soon be released, complete with Seasons of Love from the Rent soundtrack and a bit of yodeling (Hannah's newest interest).  We look forward to hearing your Happy CD.

Dancing with the wind

Staycation Sensation

My children spent the last two weeks free of an academic schedule for winter break.  True, we cancelled plans to see any beloved ones for the holidays and stay home with the stomach flu, though our time together has been delightful.

I've organized so many cupboards, closets, cabinets, and even places that don't begin with the letter C.  One of our highlights was waking up at 1 a.m. Christmas morning to wash bedding; as everyone was up, we opened a couple gifts.  My son Liam's quilt hasn't progressed much, though we've turned a friend's old t-shirts into handkerchiefs and crafted fabric bowls from smaller scraps.  New quilt squares were cut, ironed, and organized for days.  Art kits that sat dormant for months were finally enjoyed.  My children spent a little time on the computer playing academic games together.  They read, wrote, and assembled endlessly.  There was plenty of clean up time too.

Our little staycation felt more academically successful than our hours of struggle at the kitchen table.  While my family chooses the route of homeschooling with some adult-chosen academics, I now see the splendor of unschooling.  Thanks to my patient, creative children teaching me to find joy and love in each moment, our staycation became a sensation.  I just followed their lead and picked up pieces along the way.

The Unstuffing Pillow Project